Here is how it begins--Days 1 and 2

First I bought the 5 day "sample" Nutrisystem kit at Wal-Mart.

It contained:

• 5 Breakfasts: A double chocolate muffin, a cinnamon streusel muffin, granola, a honey wheat bagel, and a peanut butter breakfast bar.
• 5 Lunches: A cup of chicken noodle soup, loaded mashed potatoes, rice and beans, and 2 lunch bars
• 5 dinners: lasagna with meat sauce, chicken alfredo, chicken pot pie, flatbread pizza, rotini and meatballs
• 5 desserts: cheesecake bar, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate covered pretzels, peppermint cookie patty, popcorn.

I also bought a few cans of 100 calorie soup (progresso brand), a few McDougall's cup o soups (low sodium pea soup), some smart ones meals (high protein, around 250 cal), some lean pockets, some store brand meal replacement/protein shakes, a couple of Luna brand protein bars and some store-brand organic oatmeal packets. I also had some wheat cereal that fit the nutrition requirements.

The plan is as follows:

• 8 cups of water (or water-like substance…unsweetened seltzer totally counts)
• Breakfast: One entrée (nutrisystem, oatmeal, cereal, or protein shake) with 1 fruit and 1 protein/dairy. Yesterday that was an oatmeal with a small smoothie ( ½c frozen strawberries, ½ small banana, and ½c fat free organic yogurt). I tend to separate these two into a breakfast and morning snack. Entrée with my coffee, and fruit/dairy midmorning. Today I did the same. NS chocolate muffin, 1/3c fat free cottage cheese with 1/2c unsweetened applesauce.
• Lunch: One entrée (cup of soup, nutrisystem, protein bar, lean pocket, etc), with a veggie and an extra protein/dairy. Yesterday that was a McDougall’s pea soup, salad with lean turkey deli meat and 2 Tb fat free dressing. Today it will be the NS loaded mashed potatoes, salad with tomatoes and turkey and 2Tb fat free dressing.
• Snack: One dairy/protein and one veggie/fruit. Yesterday I “cheated” and did 100 calories of special K cracker chips. Mostly because my plan of carrots/hummus was thwarted when I realized we had no hummus. Or carrots. We went shopping last night. I’m having carrots, tomatoes, and a small yellow pepper with 2Tb hummus today.
• Dinner: One entrée (Nutrisystem, smart ones, soup, etc) with 2 veggies, 1 fruit, and a fat option. Yesterday I had NS lasagna with meat sauce, a large mixed green salad with tomatoes (they’re a fruit, right?), 2 Tb of parmesan (split between lasagna and salad—my “dairy” from snack!), a slice of whole grain bread* toasted with garlic butter. I am probably making my own dinner tonight…entrees usually consist of “2” proteins and a carb serving, so I will have a turkey burger (equals the 2 proteins) with sweet potato oven fries (carb+fat), steamed broccoli and a salad.
• Dessert: one “entrée” about 100-150 calories. I had the NS chocolate covered pretzels last night. I may try the peppermint patty cookie tonight, or the chocolate chip cookies.

*because I have over/around 100lb to lose, I am “allowed” an extra carb and an extra protein per day. I may not always use it, but Italian food warrants garlic bread.

NS food reviews:

Chocolate muffin: ★★★★☆
The muffin was good, with a bit of an aftertaste. Probably from the added fiber and protein. But it was honestly no more than some “typical” highly processed chocolate muffins I’ve bought in the store. It was small, but about the size of a hostess cupcake, and fairly dense. This plus a cup of coffee satisfied me for an hour or so until I finished the dairy/fruit portion of breakfast (or snack ;) ). It gets a thumb’s up.




Loaded baked (mashed) potato: ★★★☆☆
This tastes like something I’ve had before…I just can’t put my finger on it. I added extra water so it was more like a thick potato soup, but make sure you stir it well before microwaving, right after microwaving, and before eating. I had some hard lumps on the bottom that were missed. The bacon was a little tough and was bitter when I could actually taste it, but the leeks were crunchy and I tasted the slight onion flavor. The potatoes themselves were well seasoned, with just a slight aftertaste (probably from the ‘butter flavor’ and highly processed cheese). I would eat them again, but they could use some changes. I would rather have a sour cream and chive flavor or broccoli cheddar flavor than the bacon. On the plus side…it was VERY filling. I’m typing this as I finished it, and looking at my salad thinking “how am I going to eat this?”

Lasagna with meat sauce: ★★★★☆
When you eat this, you will think of beef-a-roni. Now, for me, that is not a bad thing. The pasta is slightly gummy and will fall apart in some ways, but you still need the side of your fork to “cut” it. The flavor of the sauce is…well, like beef-a-roni or other canned pasta products. Which, I happen to like, but a bit of parmesan cheese was a noticeable improvement. When I first saw the package I thought “wow…this is frickin tiny…” even compared to frozen dinners like lean cuisine or smart ones. Once I opened it, however, I saw that there wasn’t a lot of air space like those dinners have, so it was probably a similar amount of food. And when I paired it with the salad and the garlic bread, and got through the cravings seeing my fiancée eating his still-slightly-warm fresh Italian bread with butter, I realized I was actually full.

Chocolate covered pretzels: ★★★★★
The biggest problem with these? There aren’t more! I’m normally a dark chocolate person, myself, but these were pretty good for milk chocolate. There were 7-8 of the little pretzels in there. Which was just enough to satisfy the sweet tooth after having such a salty dinner. No noticeable aftertaste, and a good balance of sweet to salty (some pretzels overdo the chocolate…I’m picky).

Those extra pounds...a 15 year history

When I was in high school, being fat sucked because I wasn't popular. I was picked on and treated poorly. I tried dieting, but didn't know how. By the end of high school, I was 5'6" and 215 pounds. A size 18.

In college, I started working out. I became vegetarian. I hung out with lots of people who were cool and didn't care about my body. Some were thin, some were fat. We were so different but so alike. We were all beautiful and told each other so. No matter how they've changed over the years, those friends are still strong and beautiful to me. I got healthy. Still overweight, but I could run. I played sports. I was strong. I played rugby and tennis. I went to the gym three times a week. I even worked there. I was about 195 pounds and a size 14. I lived on the 4th floor with no elevator, and I felt great.

Senior year rolled around. The stress and workload kept me from the gym, but I was still active. I gained weight, but not a ton. I still felt good. I was still healthy. Blood pressure, cholesterol, heart rate, all great. I could walk 2 miles no problem. I graduated and moved in with my girlfriend. Probably around 215, and a size 18 again.

Oh, the stress. I had a crappy job, living in a crappy situation, plus some relationship issues. Lots of drinking. Smoking. I'd say my weight went upwards of 250 then, and probably a size 22 (men's 40 pants). Eventually, I got a better job and my girlfriend and I moved.

By now I felt like crap again. A new job with lots of judgey people. I was the fat kid again. I was the unpopular one. My confidence was shot. And then I found out I had cancer. 4 months after being hired, I was out on leave for chemotherapy and radiation. At my worst, then, I was 135 pounds. No muscle, practically bedridden for months. Once I got up and moving again, eating normally and healthily, I was 145 pounds, a size 8-10. I was in HEAVEN! I felt amazing, and for the first time in years, I felt sexy again.

My confidence abounded. I loved hiking, biking, jogging with my dogs. I loved salads and lentil soup and green smoothies. These were not punishments or sacrifices, I loved them! Slowly my weight gained to 155-160 and I plateaued. This was where my body wanted to be. I am ACTUALLY big boned…I have broad shoulders, broad hips, wide wrists and knees. A size 10-12 was perfect for me. Plenty of muscle from 3+ mile hikes, able to run for half an hour on the treadmill, and I didn’t feel guilty eating some ice cream here or there because I was able to control myself to one serving. I didn’t notice that my period, which had always been very irregular, was often absent for months since the chemo.

Then I found out I was infertile. My wife and I went to the doctor’s to try and have a baby. After lots of tests and scans, they told me I had less than 1/10^th of a percent chance of getting pregnant. My absence of period added to the confirmation—Premature Ovarian Failure. I probably had PCOS before the chemotherapy (which seriously affects your ability to lose and maintain a healthy weight and is also related to diabetes which runs rampant in my genetics), but those drugs pretty much fried my ovaries and “cured” the disease. Which helped me keep the weight off, helped with unwanted body hair and all the other symptoms of PCOS, but also meant that my ovaries just weren’t working at all. But I was stubborn and we decided we would try anyway. I figured if there was no progress with hormone treatment to kickstart the ovaries, then my wife would try. She was healthy, it should be no problem for her.

The hormones brought my ovaries back to life. Somewhat. They also caused cravings, bloating, depression, not to mention the bruising along my stomach from the injections. Typically, someone on the doses I was getting would make 10-15 eggs or more per month. I made one. Maybe two. They increased doses, changed drugs, all to no avail. If I made one egg, we did an insemination. If I made two or more, we did IVF. We tried for months…and I gained weight for months.

20 pounds later, our marriage ended (unrelated to weight) and I moved out. I gained another 5 pounds or so from stress eating and drinking. I had stopped the fertility medications, but judging from other bodily changes, the PCOS was coming back (I see this in hindsight). I tried to keep working out and stay on the diet that had kept me healthy for years, but slowly kept increasing.

At 180 pounds or so, I met my current partner. I still felt fairly healthy, and we had a lot of fun doing so many different things. Unfortunately, a lot of our dates revolved around eating out, or cooking for each other. I also went on birth control—which has a side effect of, you guessed it, weight gain. I gained 15 pounds in 3 months. My aunt joked that I was now “fat and happy” with my new love. Unfortunately, I was not happy about the fat. I panicked as the scale inched closer to 200#. I had spent so much of my teen and young adult life well over that line, and cried every night as the scale inched closer and closer.

And then I got pregnant. 1/10^th of a percent chance happened just 4 months into this new relationship. There was a lot of stress, a lot of rough spots, but after 41 weeks, I birthed our beautiful, 9#8oz daughter in water at home with 3 midwives, her daddy, and my mom there. Over those 41 weeks, I gained 48 pounds.

A week after the birth, I stood on the scale. 225. I had lost about 20 pounds in a week (the first 10 was the hardest! Lol). My mom said “I was about 195 when I got pregnant with all three of you, and I lost all of it in 4 or 5 months, no matter how much I gained.” I was confident that with proper diet and exercise and breastfeeding, I could get back down to at least 175 within 6-8 months.

When my daughter was 2 months old, I stepped on the scale again and it read…oh, I don’t remember, but it was higher than 225. I had GAINED weight. How does anyone GAIN weight while breastfeeding and drinking green smoothies and having salads and eating generally healthy? I wasn’t depriving myself, but probably getting around 1800 calories a day.

A few months after that I stepped on the scale. 240 or so. OMG, I was almost as big as when I was fully pregnant! I made sure we always had healthy foods and tried again.

A few months later I saw 250. I’m sure I’ve been 250 before, but at that time, I didn’t own a scale. At that time, I was a heavy drinker who didn’t care about my weight. I had plenty of chunky friends who were awesome and I knew their weight didn’t matter to me, so my weight didn’t matter to them. Now, however, I wasn’t drinking. I did care. I was tired, sore, achy. I felt old. I couldn’t do the things I wanted to do. I got out of breath easily, and my workouts were getting harder instead of easier. So I went to the doctor. I told her what was going on, and she basically said “what do you want me to do about it?” The only thing I could think of at the time was to ask her to check my thyroid. The results came back. My TSH was normal, my T3 was low-normal, and my T4 was barely countable. Even though T4 is what the body needs from the thyroid, and is the drug that is given to treat hypothyroid, my doctor proclaimed my thyroid normal because my TSH was fine. I still have doubts.

So, for almost 2 years I have hovered around 250. I’m probably closer to 260 at this point. 100 pounds heavier than when I felt the best I have ever felt in my life. I could shed another PERSON off of me and be healthy. A small person…maybe a middle schooler…but another person nonetheless.

I’m not changing for my partner (although I miss feeling sexy and being able to do things that I can’t do right now…;) ). I’m not changing for society (I will never have a flat stomach and big boobs, not without multiple surgeries). Yes, I want to be able to shop in the “regular” section of the stores again. I don’t want to keep having to choose between a) 4 options for shirts I can afford or b) plenty of options of beautiful clothes I can’t afford.  I don’t want to be THIN…I will never be THIN. I want to be healthy. I will never fit into a size 4. Sure, I want my butt to look good in jeans. But I want it to look good because it works. Because it is strong and can lift a toddler in one arm and groceries in the other from a squatting position. I want to be able to race my kids around the yard. I want to be able to haul crap around our yard, to help replace fences, to pack up a truck for a yard sale with ease.

First day...

OK, here goes my first post!

I have no idea how this will go, but it is good to get a start. Sometimes I am a fairly good writer. I love writing. Sometimes my writing is fragmented and disconnected...that's just how I am. I also use a lot of ellipses and parentheses. This affected my college writing scores, but I'm hoping my professors aren't grading my blog. Hopefully as I do this more often, things will get better! Bear with me please :).

My name is Kate. I'm 31 years old, mom to an active two year old, a Pit Bull, and a cat, and step mom to a pretty darn cool 4 year old. Oh, and did I mention engaged to my partner? I'm messy, ADD, and often depressed/codependent/something, and kindof a cheapskate. Some posts may be about all of that too :).

Most of my life I've been "the fat girl." Sometimes I was OK with it, sometimes I wasn't. Right now I'm not. I'm tired, I snore, I'm sick more than I'd like. I want to take my kids for hikes and play on the playground but I'm too lazy and tired. So it needs to change. I remember being healthy and active before my daughter was born. It was awesome to go to the gym and be ABLE to jog for 20 minutes or more. Not fast, but I could do it. I could find clothes in my size in almost any store and didn't have to hunt around or pay 3x as much. I didn't feel laughed at or ridiculed in public.

It has been a long and windy road to get here (see my next post!) but the current situation is that I'm 5'6" tall and 255 pounds, last I checked. Size 22-ish, with hips over 50".

So, I'm looking into weight loss surgery.

Before I take that huge step, though, I decided to try nutrisystem. A modified/cheaper version of nutrisystem. Basically, I have the nutrisystem food and program, then I buy similar foods at the grocery store for less than nutrisystem would charge (following similar nutritional guidelines). Doing this, I can spend around $350 for 2 months of food, with coupons for nutrisystem and sale items at the store.

 

I will post more about the specific foods in a bit. If you’re interested in Nutrisystem and want to see what it looks like, and my honest reviews, keep checking here. I will do as much as I can remember J. My plan is to purchase two months of nutrisystem food, doing the diet for 4 months. As time goes on, I can really work on incorporating more regular food into the diet and will post recipes that work with the program if they come out well. If I continue to lose, then perhaps weight loss surgery isn't right for me. If I plateau on this diet, if all else fails, then I will have to continue my pursuit of the medical option.

I will also be posting weekly weights and measurements and monthly photos. When I get a new scale (dog peed on it) and measuring tape (I had four...where did they all go?!?).